changes

there are some good things here. i like being near the sea. there's a pine forest that i rode my busted bike through this afternoon (it reminded me of the bike trail in cape cod, i kept waiting for my favorite sandwich place to appear around the next corner but it never did). there's some good camaraderie in my kitchen. i generally feel accepted and comfortable at work. we eat really well. but, i'm going to find another kitchen. i can participate more somewhere else, i can learn more somewhere else, i can be inspired more. i'm not gonna settle. i'm gonna always aim as high as i can. i crave heroes, local and seasonal ingredients, food that inspires a sense of community. when and where does food inspire a sense of community? how can i be a part of this? that's the path i'm ultimately on. that's the quest.

no more ants in the kitchen, cigarette smoke in the kitchen, fathers fighting with sons, a roommate with an alarm that goes off over and over again in the morning. no more fourteen hour days? we'll have to see about that one. enough standing and watching other people cook. there's nothing happening in the La Pineta kitchen that I couldn't do myself if given the chance (except maybe read the meal tickets, shorthand italian chicken-scratch, yikes). so, i'm leaving. if i'm not learning, participating, and being inspired, then i must go somewhere else. and i'll miss the sea, the familiarity of the routines i've learned here, the comfort of having gotten the hang of a a fair amount of stuff.

i'll always welcome the chance to take a risk in order to find something great.

off again into the unknown. a whole new set of people and routines and organization systems and recipes, a whole new kitchen to learn. i don't know where i'll be going. i should know in a few days.

i have to say that La Pineta is strikingly pretty, right by the sea, and their food is as fresh as it gets, with really nice strong flavors. it's very good, simple food in a beautiful place. not a lot more you can ask for. but, their kitchen is not uplifting. i know that uplifting kitchens exist. i will exist in uplifting kitchens.

lasting memories... backdoor deals with shady fishermen that result in the purchase of huge, beautiful, fresh tuna fish. eating the belly meat from the tuna as soon as it is filleted - cooks eating the best part themselves, love it. the son arguing with the father (again) and holding a pretty big fish in his hand, a whole fish, and waving it around wildly as he argues. the moon and the sea. eating watermelon with the matriarch one night after serving the usual sixty people for dinner - she sits outside slumped in a chair, watermelon in one hand and a cigarette in the other, smiling because it's her kitchen, her world, and all we can do is hope to sling food as fast as her when we're her age. not sleeping enough, becoming very weary and then pretty sad. feeling strong again, remembering to take better care of myself. first arriving here, sunset. riding on the back of motorbikes, feeling like jack nicholson in Easy Rider.

i have no idea if i'll end up somewhere better. i hope this works out. i know what it feels like to work in a kitchen and feel very happy. it doesn't feel right here. i hope i can achieve that good kitchen feeling here in italy even though i still don't speak italian very well. wish me luck...